These are the rules

My son sent me the following email:

Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.



This was my response:
Time you knew the truth, mum’s rules rule – all rules are labled +1 for obvious reasons

+1. Mum’s like toilet seats down. Do not leave the toilet seat up unless you want to end up wearing a smelly pinewood necklace

+1 Shopping is a sport football is a game, mums don’t play games

+1 Crying is a natural human emotion – you will recognise the truth of this when you have been hit hard enough

+1 Do not bother asking for what you want because the answer will always be no – mums have the power to do that.

+1 No is not an acceptable answer it is fighting talk – mums don’t take no for an answer

+1 Only guys have problems because they haven’t yet learned to multi-task

+1 A headache can last for a lifetime – guys are always a headache

+1 Anything mum said six months ago is written in stone – forget it at your peril

+1 Anyone who acts like a soap opera guy will be lathered and sung to, soap opera is not real life. Get over it.

+1 If you say I am fat I will twist off your head and spit in your neck – mums can be vicious

+1 Anything mum says will be interpreted her way - it’s up to you to find out what that is.

+1 Anything you want to say cannot be said during the commercials because you cannot keep your speeches that short

+1 Christopher Columbus has been dead a long time, do you want to join him?

+1 Mums can never have too many handbags

+1 Anymore rules like the last lot and you will be joining Christopher Columbus, find your way out of that!